This week, we received news that no parent wants to hear: Our daughter, our beloved daughter, is suicidal.
After hearing her speak with the Child, Adolescent and Family Emergency (CAFE) Team, to our horror, we hear that she has attempted it twice already.
A couple of days before, she had taken herself over to our youth leader's home and shared that she wanted to kill herself, and that she had been using a compass to harm herself already.
Alarmed, her youth leader said, she had to confide in someone, and if it was her, they would need to work out a plan together to keep her safe.
While she told her story, she mentioned that she had had thoughts about how her suffering could be ended and the relief of closure could be.
Our dear daughter had been assailed by long COVID eighteen months ago. The symptoms were deeply distressing. It began with photosensitivity, acute and continuous muscle pain, and nervous exhaustion.
The condition affected her cognitive ability in strange ways. Through tears, she explained how she could read and explain individual words on a page, but she couldn't tell us what the page said as a whole. For an A-grade student, this was horrifying.
Social isolation featured in the first year. She did not have the energy to carry on a conversation and sleep seemed the only way to temporarily escape the pain.
As time passed, she made slow but incremental improvements. To the point she was attending school four out of five days a week, and she was likely to complete her university entrance exams this year. But she was still a long way from what she was capable of before she became ill. The muscle pain has so far never completely left her.
Unfortunately, her hope for a complete recovery began to fade as she watched her friends advance through their lives ahead of her, and she became the object of her own pity.
And the thoughts of obtaining closure became more attractive as time passed.
Prophecy can come in many forms. One form can be subvocal thoughts.
God can speak by this means. But so can others (Ephesians 6).
In 1 Thessalonians 5:19-23, Paul commands us not to ignore these thoughts ("Do not quench the spirit, Do not despise prophecy") but instead to be discerning ("test all things"), to retain what is good ("hold fast to what is good"), and to discard what is not good ("abstain from every evil").
Even Jesus experienced suicidal thoughts when he was urged to throw himself from a great height. He immediately recognised them for what they were and rejected them (Matthew 4:6-7).
Suicidal thoughts are easy to discern because they are contrary to God's ways, for across the ages, God's clarion and enduring voice can be heard urging us to "Choose life!" (Deuteronomy 30:19).
In addition to praying for her to gain this insight, we are also praying that God will break down her despair by meeting her directly and rebuilding her hope and joy through encouragement and fellowship. We know our friends are praying faithfully.
